Ray Gun

Wednesday, April 22, 2009, 12:03 AM

Here is a brief summary of Ray Downen's letter to the Globe on Tuesday:

1. Obama supporters believe the Constitution doesn't matter.

2. Obama is a foreigner.

3. Obama should not share the presidency with John McCain on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, like the Erstwhile Conservative suggested, if Obama is truly a foreigner.

4. Obama should spend the rest of his life in the penitentiary.

5. Obama is an imposter, therefore Joe Biden can't be president.

6. Obama 's election was purchased for an unspecified amount by unidentified rich people, who continue to pay unspecified amounts to other unidentified people to keep the foreigner in office.

7. Obama is running up "trillions" of dollars in "bills" and no one knows where the money has gone or if it will ever come back or if it does come back what it will be worth when it's all over, which will be when Bonanza, starring Lorne Greene, is cancelled.

Now, Ray didn't mention it, but there is a rumor that Obama is about to order the National Guard to go into all Wal-Marts in the United States and confiscate the Reynolds Wrap, so that suspicious citizens cannot arm themselves against the CIA's new prefrontal cortex disintegrator gun.

The impounded aluminum foil will be shipped, via a flotilla of Somali pirate ships, to all Muslim countries so that Obama's kinfolk can protect their turban-wrapped heads from the intense radiation, which would otherwise render them unable to express coherent thoughts.

The beauty of the CIA's new prefrontal cortex disintegrator gun, which President Obama developed in collaboration with Bill Ayers, is that its victims do not suspect that their prefrontal cortex has been nebulized and they continue to write letters to local newspapers expressing irrational ideas that only serve to prove that Obama's critics are crazed conspiracists.

Meanwhile the foreigner continues to reign like he is the legitimate President of the United States.